5 Years Later.......

So here we are. Five years from my last post and so much has happened. I got married in the perfect dress on the perfect night to the perfect man.  I have had a beautiful baby girl who just recently turned two. And now, we are going for #2.

I wish this was more of an enjoyable experience than it is, but it is not. And being that writing is my getaway and therapy, I thought long and hard and decided to write it out.

My first baby took a littlw over a year to concieve. A long, stressful, teared filled, faith tested year. I got off birth control and did not start. And did not start. And did not start. Finally, I went to the doctor and she gave me progesterone which I took for several days and a day or two later after the last pill, I started.

We went from there, and when I got no where at my OBGYN we went to a fertility specialist. They put me on 50mg of Clomid and I did not respond. They put me on 100mg of Clomid and I over-responded. They never gave an answer as to why I never started on my own or ovulate on my own, but I suppose I did not directly ask for a direct answer. Anyway, I got frustrated after about five or six months on this rollercoaster, so I switched to a fertility specialist in another town.

We had a consultation and the doctor suggested IUI. I asked if we needed to take that step yet. Her response is one I will never forget. She said we could wait, keep doing what we'd been doing, or we could step it up and take out more hang-up factor giving us a better chance of pregnancy. I was all in.

She put me on Femara on cycle days 3-7. I made one perfect follicle, took Ovidrel trigger shot to ovulate,  had an IUI, took progesterone and oil injections and had a perfect and healthy baby girl. Seemed so simple.

She was born a little early, but was a fighter and perfect from the get-go. The labor story is for another day.

We started for kid number two about six months ago. We tried Femara again and I did not respond at all. We tried Clomid at 100mg and Gonal F shot. I made about 6 follicles so we originally decided to wait; however, my doctor called after reviewing my chart and decided she wanted me to trigger shot and come in the next day for IUI. She said that although I had a bunch, she was sure my body would not ovulate all of them, rather maybe 2.

So we tried it. Gave it a shot, sat out the two week wait. And....negative pregnancy test. Heartbreak.

I had to go on birth control for a month after that due to cysts being left from the over stimulation. Then we once again tried Clomid at 100mg and Gonal F. I made two good follicles. We triggered with Ovidrel, did IUI, and then went to Jamaica. Oh how I wish I could do that with every two week wait. It was a business trip with my husband, so we did not plan the trip around the wait. It just worked out perfect. And....I had a positive pregnancy test!!

I continued on with my progesterone and oil injections, which made the trip to Jamaica with me. We went in for the 8 week check up, and I was so nervous. I prayed and hoped to see that heartbeat and perfect little baby. And we did. Heartbeat and everything to go along was perfect.

We kept tracking my progesterone and started lessening the dosage until they called at about 9 or 10 weeks to say I could quit them all together. I was thrilled! But my next test came back at 14 after previously being in the 80's. I knew then something was not right.

I began my progesterone shots again and went in at 11 weeks. I really wasn't worried, although my progesterone was lower, I knew it wasn't too low.

I miscarried. At nine weeks and four days my baby had stopped growing and there was no heartbeat on the monitor. Worst day of my life.

It was supposed to be a fun, easy, exciting day. And it crumbled and crashed. Sad does not even describe the hurt and pain. If I knew I would ovulate the next month on my own and all we had to worry about was having sex, then maybe it would be easier. But I don't know, maybe not. I know it would hurt to my core either way.

I had become one of the 10% of women that miscarry after seeing a fetal heartbeat. For real, 10%. Not a category I ever wanted or want to be in again.

I will never get the memory out of my head of watching the monitor with my doctor and her saying, "I don't think it is alive." I got hot, couldn't breath, wanted someone to hold me and tell me it was a mistake. I never bled, never cramped, nothing to indicate miscarriage.

I had a D&C the next morning.

THE dress

So I went to pick out my wedding dress last week. I cannot believe that something I am going to wear a maximum of six hours could put such a damper on my wallet. And of course, just like everything in my life, I veered to the expensive one.

Wedding dress shopping is one of those times when you never need to try on the one that you think is REALLY beautiful and REALLY expensive because everything else afterwards will greatly resemble a white trash sack.

I did not, however, use this logic and rather tried on every dress that caught my eye, ignoring if the price contained a comma. The dress was gorgeous. Lace and tulle and beading and a train. Anything and everything that made me feel like Cinderella without screaming 1980's prom night.

So now what? Save up and get the dress I like and feel beautiful, or settle for less expensive attire and be able to eat after the wedding? Oh what the hell, I ramen noodles will do for a while.

Fall College Wardrobe?

I left my office to use the bathroom just now and entered a hall full of new college students, going over their previous assignment while waiting for class. Ha, yeah right. While they were waiting for class (and kudos to them for going to class) they were talking, texting, tweeting, facebooking, and/or whatever else it is they are doing these days on their cell phones.

Now don't get me wrong. I am not judging. Truth is, I have recently become dangerously addicted to my own iPhone, which I noticed as I was returning emails between red lights yesterday afternoon.

One thing, however, I will judge is this fall's wardrobe style. It seems that 'high school gym class' is the latest theme. Running shorts, latest sorority or free school t-shirt, flip-flops or sneakers, and perfect make-up. Of course they all look cute as a bug, I just highly doubt that any of them will be warming up for their three-mile jog after class. But if I'm wrong, more power to them. As for me, I'm logging on to e-trade right now to buy some Nike stock.

Crazy Traffic

I have come to the conclusion that if you live in the city you never judge a place’s distance by miles, but rather the time. This time, however, changes at least three times a day. The distance a place is from you at two in the afternoon is very different from its distance at five in the afternoon or even seven-thirty on a Tuesday morning.

Now, I am a country girl and if something is twenty miles away then that means that I can get there in about fifteen minutes, depending on if I can take the back-roads and how muddy the ruts are if we’ve had a rain. I just got back from visiting family in Fort Worth and Grand Prairie, however when we left Fort Worth, entered Lake Worth, touched the edge of Arlington and entered Grand Prairie is all beyond me. Best I could tell we never left Fort Worth. Anyway, when you say something is ten miles away in the city, then that means you better give yourself an hour and twenty minutes to get there.

This is just ridiculous to me. I’ll admit, I don’t have much patience and waiting is something that I just do not do well, but I don’t see how people can drive in that stand-still, creep along, cut you off if you leave a two-inch gap kind of traffic twice a day! No wonder so many people are on Prozac today.
Where I live, if you have to wait for two red lights it is considered heavy traffic and people get aggravated. You can live totally across town and allow yourself fifteen-minutes to get to work. I am pretty sure that is the equivalent of working at the end of your block in city time. All in all, I cannot honestly say if I admire city people for being able to handle driving in traffic everyday, or if I think they are just plain crazy for living in a city where they have to do it.

TV.......where would we be without it?

The entire TV being hazardous to the mind petition somewhat puzzles me. I agree, some programs are a total waste of time and I could seriously care less about what a selfish, over-botoxed New Jersey housewife does everyday. But there are some shows that I am pretty sure have made a major positive impact on the world. Like Grey’s Anatomy. I mean do you even realize how much more I know about hospitals and medicine now?

Of course it is completely unfortunate that all doctors do not look like McDreamy and McSteamy. I am certain that I would be much more excited about my annual breast examine if they did. But the show’s plots do get me thinking about if that stuff actually does go on in hospitals, and you know some of it does. I mean that thud you hear when passing the storage closet probably was not a roll of toilet paper falling off the shelf.

Another show is Law in Order. I mean, I realize I probably couldn’t pass the bar examine after an all weekend TNT marathon of the show, but I might possibly rank up there with the guy on the back cover of the phonebook.

And as far as the reality shows, if nothing else maybe they make us not-so-rich and normal folks a little happier that we lead simpler lives and less glorify those celebrities who we now see are unhappy, money-hungry, destined-for-divorce souls. Bless their hearts.

Alumni Life in a College Town

May I just start out by saying that I know, I was one of them not too long ago, but that doesn’t mean that I have to quietly unnotice the huge sunglass wear’n, tights under Nike running shorts, too big T-shirt with oversized bangles clad new-to-town college girls that are strolling the aisles of Wal-Mart.

Living in a college town for several years now, I have grown accustom to the school year seasons. Come August the town’s population more than doubles and (I don’t have actual documentation on this but am certain) so do the traffic violations. Mid-December to Mid-January it tapers off again, and come May, it has once again declined to retirees and working families.

I must say, though, that I find my trips to Wal-Mart much more enjoyable during the months when a school semester is starting. It is a great time and way to see the newest sorority and fraternity fashions. I especially enjoyed the flipped-up-collared Polo shirt with khaki shorts and Sperry shoes that seemed to be such a fashion hit this past spring. No doubt that look will continue into the summer and possibly early fall.

Back to Wal-Mart, as I stroll down the aisles getting my staples, Honey-Combs, Coke Zero, mini-bag popcorn, it is not unusual to pass two or three packs of the new litter. Never do they travel alone, and as they discuss “Well, what do you like? Ok, well I will get some of these and we can just split it all up at the register” I wonder how mad she is going to be when she discovers her empty box of Pop Tarts in the cabinet while rushing hungrily out the door, late to her eight o’clock.

The boys, now they are different. Each basket looks the same: five pizzas, some Oreos, a package of hotdog buns and links, and twelve-pack of cheap beer. Plain, simple and to the point. Besides, it isn’t the food the guys are there for anyway. They would be perfectly happy with a delivery pizza every night. No, it is the girls.

Now I do know research has been done concluding that grocery stores serve as a favorable place for men to meet single women. Some studies even narrow it down to particular stores that serve as better meeting ground than others (ah, the power of Google). Anyway, it is amusing to see the guys ‘accidently’ bump into the basket of a couple of hotties, which turns into a slight conversation, which turns into a party invite, which turns into a hook-up, optimistically thinking.

While I may cuss the traffic increase and longer lines at my favorite restaurants, I must say that I do enjoy the beginning and fresh start to every college semester. It brings back fond memories and allows me to feel like an extra in our own little reality show. Hmm, wonder what ever happened with that party.

The Art of having Fun

The women in my family are what you may call extreme overachievers. My mother started it. She is good at everything she does, but her philosophy is "if you are going to do something, be great at it." For instance, if she is going to throw a party (which she does a lot of) it is done with decorations, food, drink, and entertainment that would leave a Las Vegas event coordinator in awe. However, she is not shy about asking for mine and my sister's help in the manual labor of what we call "the pre-party party." Since we know that this help and work is going to be asked for and expected, we make the most of it. Making the most of it includes the following: three bottles of wine, strawberries, melted chocolate, and usually another bottle of wine.

We will meet up after our day jobs, usually 6pm, and start the traditional activities of laughing, arguing, joking around, and coming up with the coolest decor ideas you've ever seen. Dad and my brother-in-law, know better than to come within half a mile of us due to the fact that our conversation topics get a little out of hand. So it just us three girls, all creative in our own right, yet different enough to generate several ideas for one task. In the end, we come out with something unique enough to earn several "how on earth did you think of that" compliments from guests.

Example: We threw a Luau engagement party last summer that consisted of about 75 guests. The tables had yellow table cloths with a center piece of tropical flowers and pineapples. We dug two different pits outside, lined them with large rocks and kept a fire going in each all night. Drinks were served in what looked like two huge aquariums with plastic fish and seahorses floating in them. Food was served on a boat turned upside-down and consisted of shish-ka-bobs made with beef and veggies and pork and pineapple. There was also potato salad, coleslaw, and as a joke mac-n-cheese (the groom always asks mom to make it for him). Dessert was grilled pineapple and peaches with homemade vanilla ice cream. Drinks were served in plastic cups that looked like coconuts and pineapples, lays were provided for everyone to wear, and there was a hoola-hoop contest once everyone had enough alcohol in there system to be good and loosened up.

Another party was a Barn theme, where we had hay bales for guests to sit on, food was served on a piece of old tin layed across two saw horses, and we found an old metal water trough to fill with ice and put beer and cokes in. We had burgers, and several homemade pies (my sister's chocolate meringue is the best). Tables were covered in butcher paper and crayons were available for kids to color on them with. We had horseshoe pitching and two metal roping dummies. We served tea in mason jars and chips in feed buckets. Very laid back and fun.